Added: Siaosi Fichter - Date: 16.01.2022 21:02 - Views: 25543 - Clicks: 4667
What would you do? An important romantic figure from your past finds you on an internet social media site. Perhaps this was your first love. This renewed connection brings to mind the passion and enthusiasm of youth—before children, financial problems, and middle age. In your mind, you travel back to a time before career worries, mortgage problems, and thinning hair to a time of anticipation, optimism, and more energy. Is it a wrong choice to maintain contact on-line?
Is it wrong to have a texting relationship? Where do you draw the line? What is the line that would determine that this is an inappropriate relationship? Infidelity is high on the list of issues that prompt couples to seek relationship therapy. As a therapist who has worked with couples for over 25 years, I see couples struggle with the aftermath of affairs.
Typically, both partners are in considerable pain as they work to heal their marriage and build the trust back. Most couples are able to navigate the storm with the help of therapy, good intentions, and motivation to save the marriage. Recently, social media has been a player in the triangle when individuals find the old flame or school love that has been out of their lives for the last 15 years. The story has become well known. There is no threat to the marriage. The new spouse is told about the on-line relationship and nothing seems amiss. But slowly over time, the relationship returns to romance.
The now married partner struggles with the old emotions getting stirred up again and begins to feel guilt. They try to work it out on their own by not telling their current spouse about the feelings only to find the appeal of the former romance growing stronger. They decide to meet for coffee.
The secrets continue to grow until they become lies. They kiss and an affair begins. It ends when their current mate stumbles upon text messages or. A few more lies follow when the wrongdoer is confronted and tries to limit the marital damages. At this time, the current spouse is hurt by the infidelity as well as the lies and denial.
The lies become worse than the offense. It is a lot of work to do.
When I review the choices that the wrongdoer made along to way, it is clear to me how the situation could have turned out better. Here is my advice on choice points. As soon as you begin to have feelings for another person, tell your partner, even if this disclosure causes you pain, embarrassment, or discomfort.
Have long conversations with your spouse. Expect the conversations to be difficult. Expect to talk about any unhappiness that may be seeping into your relationship. The names of these dissatisfactions are stressmoney problems, job troubles, parenting issuesor other family concerns. These difficulties are some of the things that send partners into the arms of someone else.
They are looking for an escape from the demands of life, and the old flame takes on the bright shining light of deliverance. The deliverance is short lived. The once bright light that looked like a beacon of hope in the storm was more like a kraken leading you towards the rocky shores of a shipwreck. My advised choice point looks quite logical in hindsight, but if you are in this situation now, it does not look so simple.
Talk over your choices with a trusted friend or counselor. There is more at stake here that finding relief from stress. You may be making a choice that will change your life forever. Most people who cheated on their spouses say, afterwards, that they wish they could take it back.
Choose wisely. All rights reserved. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message.
Ignore it! Nothing good can come from it! You broke up one time before and for probably a good reason. That is what you need to remember. That and the pain that you could cause in the end by renewing this relationship. Talk about timing! We were lovers but nothing serious on his part.
He never knew how I felt. So it seems he looked me up on one of those people search sites tracked me down on social media and contacted me. We both have since married. His wife is 17 yrs his Jr. Wondering the motive to his contact.
Still fire is fire!! My story is very similar, 28 years after we finished she has contacted me. Same story, both married, but exchanging romantic songs, talking about the past trying to put it right. My life and head are a mess. I start on anti depressants tomorrow and currently having counselling to get my head straight. The problem is there is no one you can ever confide in.
If you value your marriage then stay away. Simply ask yourself what you want, and why. Does your marriage still need work? Are you looking for payback for his past affair s? What will you really find in this old lover, and if it destroys your marriage is that OK? I almost saw two marriages — with four kids between them — destroyed by a stupid, irrational fling.
I saw some really delusional thinking taking place — as though life worked like a Hollywood romantic comedy. But the work is rewarding. If not, just make sure you are being realistic about your old lover and what to expect. As someone else said — you broke up before for a reason. Is this really what you need to be happy? Sounds like my story last year, they planned to meet up in september,but a week into him cheating online,i went through his phn,and was beside myself,the voice msgs he didn delete,one msg i read,i called her,and he confronted me as to why i was rude,i wasnt,its what she told him i still dont trust him,had a nerve telling me not to be insercure,his ex from over 30yrs in cape town he looked up,we still together and he changed his nr,but is it over why me,was i not good enough for 25years.
This is the curse of social media. I had a lover in my mid-twenties who jilted me for an older man with a lucrative career. I contrast how much my wife has grown with me and how badly stuck my former marriage prospect became. I adore my dear wife ever more for her patience and faith in me, even though I had spent many years on the rebound from that narcissistic former lover. I do understand the outcome would not be soothing. But think about the situation… I and my ex meet up someday forgetting the pain we both have gone through.
But while discussing the breakup, I discovered that my spouse is the person who made a wrongdo to break us apart and later proposed and continue in currently being my spouse. The person I trusted, who have seen me loving my ex more than my life, the sufferings that I had recovering from the breakup, is the main to break our relationship. You have a very complex situation…. You and your ex both still love each other but both of you are parents now.
On the other side, to carry on with the reality, you have to continue with your spouse and. What would you do?? Hi all. And let me tell you, this hurts beyond belief. Your partners WILL find out, ether through you slipping up or after their death. My husband of 32 years had continued to exchange birthday cards with his love until I put my foot down about 20 years ago. Turned out she had had an affair with their mutual friend, now dead, and realized that would come out if they met in person. Then a few months later he died of a sudden heart attack at only It explains his strange behavior at the time.
Broke my heart all over again. Clearly he was still holding a candle even though he now knew the truth. And the guilt he would have felt over staying in contact with her would have severely affected his health too. But I have just found it all on his Google Drive.
Do NOT make contact. Just this Wednesday I got an invite from my ex-girlfriend. We were in sophomore year then and things were a lot better back then. One after 2 years of the breakup reminded me of all the things we shared and experienced together. I cannot say I would definitely be able to resist but my advice to married folk-Please resist and stay away! It can be fun to reminisce. Exactly Robin! I can imagine my husband would have had a fit if I ever did the same thing. Even though I now know he had been secretly ing and messaging his ex for months he never even flinched.
I wholly agree that it usually starts off innocently and with the intention of being friends but can quickly change course. Can you even imagine how hard it would be to tell your husband that you hooked back up with an old flame online and now you think that you have feelings fro him again? Oh wow that would be some trouble in my house for sure! He is so jealous of my exes and I guess I would have to admit that I am too, so the best thing for both of us to do is to completely ignore anyone form a past life that we find online.Looking for a live in lover
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How to Break Up With Someone You Live With