Added: Atalie Welliver - Date: 15.02.2022 03:09 - Views: 46572 - Clicks: 719
Eleven years ago, I put an ad in the personals column.
I wasn't looking for a husband; I was looking for a sane, intelligent man who knew how to have a good time. I got more than 80 replies, met eight of them and ended up, six years later, marrying five who, as he put it, "got the job". But the stigma and embarrassment I felt meant it was years before I told people how we'd met; only my closest friends knew.
I felt I had "Loser" stamped on my forehead. I'm over that, but when I tell people now, I still occasionally notice a flicker of a cringe, as they slap me on the back and say, "Good for you! So what is it about these that makes some people feel awkward? Simon Gelsthorpe, a clinical psychologist, agrees: "It's probably the degree to which the meeting is manufactured and the explicitness of what you're doing that people have a prejudice against.
If I visit a bar, that's fine, but if I go there to meet women, it's not, and I'd be judged. The truth is that we are all actively looking. Yet the myth goes that one day fate will engineer a meeting with our soulmate - in a bookshop or a gallery - just like in the movies. But if that were true, says Schwartz, we need never bother with relationships again. Fate would do the work for us. Sociologist Dr Sally Caldwell says society views personal as "a ticket into the deviant world", and that by using we stray from the traditional ie, acceptable way of doing things.
We assume that if someone is introduced via a friend, they have a known background, but if we abandon traditional ways of meeting, we expect to invite problems. Schwartz sums it up as a fear of mixing with people from different social circles - if one person in a circle of friends ventures outside, it makes the others uncomfortable: "You're forsaking your group, and they're worried for you and for themselves.
People fear change, they're scared about the adventure and the possibility.
At worst, you'll find a total freak, or someone who'll lead you into a life that you weren't meant to have. Placing an ad is a very individual act. You take yourself out of your social circle and jump across a gorge to see what's on the other side. It could be as good, or better, but it's not a place you would have visited if you hadn't done this.
And it may well change your life. It did mine, but I've given up attempting to convince others to try this, because the cynicism runs so deep. They assume that they won't find someone suitable let alone desirable this way.
The process is so random and the participants must all be social misfits, so who'd want them, anyway? But Schwartz says that such can often provide a better sorting system than meeting through friends. When introduced via friends, you may have nothing in common except your mutual acquaintance. The other 75 seemed like decent, funny, interesting men. Personal get a bad press - too many people think they're for misfits only. But not Eleni Kyriacou.
She met her husband that way. Sat 6 Jul Reuse this content.SBF looking for MrRight
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